My Fight With Anxiety

Everything has to start somewhere. My story starts off with my journey with Anxiety. When I was 10 years old I was living in Alaska. At that time in my life, I was struggling with bullies. It got so bad that I left the school I was at and was homeschooled. At that time in my life, I remember always having stomach pain. It was not like the normal stomach pain, it was worse. During that time I would have these times of pure fear. In Alaska there are moose. They are large animals. I was extremely scared of them. Every time I would have to go outside I would scream because of the fear. I would just shut completely down and lose it. I would cry, have extreme stomach pain and have a pounding headache. Thiscountined for about 6 months. I got so used to it I thought it was normal. Then the final straw revealed everything I was struggling with for those sixth months.
I was on a retreat with my mom and about 12 other kids. It was late at night and I just lost it. I screamed and cried and just lost all control around my body. I completely embarrassed myself in front of all the people on the retreat but, I didnโ€™t care. I wasnโ€™t in control of my body. After that whole episode happened my mom knew something was not right with me. I went to the doctor and she made me go to a counselor.
I didnโ€™t really think much about going to a counselor. During that time I learned what anxiety really is and how to cope with it. The way that I understand anxiety as the uncontrollable fear or worry. Anxiety made feel trapped. I felt like I was stuck in this cycle of fear and worry and I did not know my way out. My counselor helped me realize that when this โ€œAnxiety episodesโ€ do take place that coping skills can help me get untrapped. I went to counseling for a year. During that time I learned deep breathing, Squeezing a stress ball and many other coping skills. I also learned that you cannot keep your feeling bottled up inside.
After a year of going to counseling, we moved to Florida. I said goodbye to my counselor and did not go see another one till 3 years after that. I still struggle with anxiety to this day. But, I have learned how to cope with it. I know how to not feel trapped in the fear.
If you are diagnosed with anxiety it is not something that you should feel ashamed about. It is something to talk about. We all can work together to make Anxiety and Mental Health something that we need to talk about. We can erase the bad stigma towards Mental Health and fight for a Brighter Future. I am still fighting my anxiety battle. I have learned how to cope and work with my anxiety to make myself better and stronger.


The Unknown Girl

Who am I? To this day I am still trying to figure out who this person is. The girl that is sitting here at 11:56 pm writing this to you. Thereโ€™s the basic stuff. I am 14. I am a girl. I live in South Carolina. I am an only child. I am in 9th grade. But who am I really? What do I stand for? What to I live for. I am a girl struggling but I get through it. I live with the daily struggles like everybody else. I mean how hard could a 14 year old have it? Well… let me tell ya. It is a journey everyday.

I have PTSD, Situational Depression and Anxiety. You must be sitting there thinking. Dang girl youโ€™ve got a whirlwind. You might even think Iโ€™m crazy (believe me I think I am too). I have learned that you canโ€™t let your mental health define you. I have made those things a priority in my life which I should of been making myself a priority. I am the important one… not the mental diseases in my head.

I have my share of experiences. Good, bad and everything in between. I have people to support me along the way. Sometimes I get burned by them but I always get up. Itโ€™s harder for me to trust, itโ€™s harder for me to love, itโ€™s harder for me to be positive, and itโ€™s harder for me to live. But, I will not let these things define me. I am a hard working student, softball player, cousin, daughter and best friend. I work my butt off everyday to show the myself that theses mental disorders donโ€™t define me. I have been quiet about my struggle. Most people have no clue what is going on. I was trying to keep my old image. That I was perfect. Thatโ€™s impossible no one is perfect. Everybody is dealing with the one struggles.